The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice!
Our brain has a lot more neural connections when we are young. It absorbs almost everything that happens around us with a purpose to better adapt to its surroundings.
As we grow up it holds on only to the most used neural connections and it gets rid of everything that we don’t commonly use.
Our mother’s and father’s voice is something that gets integrated deeply into our psyche, it becomes our inner voice.
The way they speak to us becomes the way our inner voice speaks to us, the way we speak to ourselves.
If they are angry most of the time they speak to us, if they are harsh and cold if they shout and yell whenever we do something wrong, that’s how we’ll deal with ourselves whenever we make a mistake. But as we said, we are all human, we make mistakes and that’s ok. The way you approach the mistakes is how you learn and overcome them.
How to speak to your child?
An insulting inner voice can prevent us from trying new things by making us feel worthless whenever we make a mistake.
While a friendly inner voice can be our greatest support, guide, and motivator in life.
That’s why it is crucial to speak to your child with kindness, love, and honesty even if they make a mistake, or do something wrong.
You will develop a voice inside their head that will support them in life whenever they need support, even when you are not there.
Or at least you can try to avoid saying these phrases:
They are extremely damaging to a child’s developing character!
“Stop crying right now!”
Usually, when a kid does something it knows will be punished for they start crying. But even though there is no reason for them to cry, that’s their emotion. They have all the right in the world to express how they feel. By saying this you are slowly programming your child to suppress its emotions.
Instead, you should kindly say: “It’s ok to cry sweety, it’s ok to show how you feel. But that doesn’t make what you did a right thing to do.” Hug, and explain why it is wrong what they did.
“You are worthless!”
This is possibly the worst thing you can say to a child. Especially when you are the person and the mental figure they expect most of to be given approval of. By saying this, you are putting your child on a never-ending journey to seek approval from the outside world. Instead of helping them find their own worth inside, you are letting them believe they have nothing inside to find.
There are so many things you can say instead of this, like: “You can do better!”, “Nobody is perfect.”, “It’s not your day, you’ll do better next time.”
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